Gaijin Tonic

Here’s some very trippy Japanese computer-animation, featuring some pelicans and lots of beer. No idea what it’s about, but it’s certainly unique. And it makes a nice change from penguins.

In a couple of weeks the pesky rainy season will be over, and all throughout Japan people will be getting wasted at rooftop beer gardens. Now I can add sunburn and mosquito bites to my litany of booze-related injuries! The places are open for business on the tops of various department stores, and usually offer so-so buffets, but cheap all-you-can-drink deals. You can find out more at the links below:
Beer, There and Everywhere
Outdoor Cafes
Beer in The Great Outdoors

While wandering in and out of the bars, cafes, shops and art galleries of Tokyo, I often pick up flyers for upcoming parties and events. Sometimes I happen upon flyers which suggest that there are things going on in the city are too freaky to comprehend. Below are a couple of truly weird flyers which recently caught my eye.
First is something called “Department H presents: Salon KITTYFIRE 2099″ which takes place on the first Saturday of each month, in the J-Pop Cafe in Shibuya (which is where Rinko Kikuchi flashed her you-know-what in the film “Babel,” movie buffs.)

God knows what goes on at this place, but it involves Burlesque, dancers, music and Drag Queens. The back of the flyer says “Don’t ask! Just Come.” You can find out more at the website.
Even more crazy is the slightly terrifying-sounding “Sadistic Circus,” which is billed as a “Fetish Spectacle Party” and “a forbidden festival of passion.”

According to the Sadistic Circus Website “the program includes “Yasukuni-Shrine Freak Show,” “Fire Breathing and Balance Ball Circus,” “Magic Show by Arabian Beauty Troupe,” “Witch and Spider Woman,” “Dark Gothic Dance of Homosexuals,” “Tickle Wrestling by Female Office Workers in Their Uniform,” “Dance Show by Naked Beauties Powdered in Gold,” “Shudderingly Exciting! Bound Show,” “Blood Spitting Show by Self-Tied Beauty,” “Kinky Photographer’s Live Shooting Show,” “Sado-Masochistic Hanging Show,” “Foreign Sadistic Man and Masochistic Japanese Women,” “Taming Show of the Beast Woman,” “Explosive Taming Show,” “The Advent of the Queen” and so forth.”
They go on to say there is “no admittance to pregnant women, people under 20 and those who have heart problems. This is a secret party for fetishistic adults and kinky somnambulists in the city. Feel free to express yourself with a costume such as bondage or rubber.”
…Bloody Hell!

I found a flyer for a hip-hop shop in Yokohama which takes pride in their products being “bland.” They use the word “bland” no less than eight times on their flyer, so being dull and uninspiring must be their ethos!

I’m interested in this “bland new mix.” Presumably it features Kenny G and the Lighthouse Family.

Ah, this is one of my favourite Japanese products, “Kodomo No Nomimono” (”Kids’ Drink.”) It’s essentially beer for children. In case you start foaming at the mouth with rage, I should point out that it’s non-alcoholic, and the company which makes the drink, Sangaria, is famous for infusing their drinks with healthy vitamins. So it must be good, then!
Below is the TV ad, with an infuriatingly catchy jingle.

It’s been around for a couple of years, and was apparently invented so children could join toasts at family gatherings.
All good fun, in the spirit of the chocolate cigarettes and tins of shandy that I was weened on. Although not everyone would agree, judging some of the puritanical people commenting on this blog.
Here’s a link to the official website: Kodomo No Nomimono

Here’s a clip from the classic show, “Adam and Joe Go Tokyo.” Adam Buxton (who recently appeared in “Hot Fuzz”) investigates Japan’s drinking culture, meets some drunk salarymen, and stays in a capsule hotel.

The “Osama Game” is popular among uninhibited university students, and involves much hilarity and humiliation… and chopsticks.
Before you ask, the word “Osama” is not a reference to Osama Bin laden (that game would be “Hide and Seek”,) it actually means “King” in Japanese. In the game, one player is elected King, and then he or she thinks of funny dares which the others must perform. Players are required to embarrass themselves, so I wouldn’t recommend the Osama game for sober or timid folks.

Here’s how you play: Take a chopstick for each player, write “Osama” on one of them, and number the others from 1 upwards. Then someone holds the chopsticks in their fist, so the numbers are concealed, and everybody draws a stick, without telling anyone their number. The lucky guy or gal with the “Osama” chopstick gets to be the King. The Osama decides on a task and then states the numbers of the players who must perform it, (without knowing who they are). For example: “number two must kiss number five!” or “number three has to do the Macarena!” or “numbers seven and eight must down their drinks!”
This inevitably leads to a succession of pant-pissingly funny antics (as long as you’re not the person performing the embarrassing acts.)

After each deed is done, the chopsticks are gathered again, and the process is repeated. Usually everybody gets a chance to be the King, and players relish the chance to exact revenge on those who tormented them in previous rounds of the game.
As the night progresses, and the booze flows, the players elected as Osama become more sadistic and creative as they fiendishly cackle their orders. “Number three must lick number one’s armpit! Mwah-ha-ha!”
I was once ordered, by a particularly inventive bastard, to take off my left sock, put it on my right hand, then walk around the bar shaking hands with as many strangers as possible. I also had to pretend to have an orgasm as I shook each confused person’s hand. There were a lot of bewildered people in that place, I can tell you. Luckily I was drunk at the time.
As you can imagine, the morning after playing the Osama game, people tend to wake up and groan with shame and regret.

Here are some snazzy new accessories which are sure to be all the rage. This season, don’t be seen without your very own “Yopparai Oyaji Strap” (Drunken Old Man Mobile-Phone Strap), an inventive new idea from the folks at StrapYa. Here a few of the collection:

1: The dancing, shirtless, embarrassing drunk.

2: The maudlin, depressed drunk.

3: The nasty, brawling, alcoholic psychopath.

4: The unconscious, blacked-out binge-drinker.

5: The piss-head vomitting into a toilet.

6: And the …er… man with a glass of beer for a head.

You can buy all the straps here.
Collect them all! Fun for all the family!
Little Jimmy will be the talk of the playground with his puking, alcoholic businessman phone strap.