Visitors to Japan find much amusement in the high-tech toilets. You know, the sort of futuristic robo-crappers that C3PO might drop his techno-turds into. Tourists point and guffaw at the heated seat and the panel of buttons so complex you need a pilot’s license to operate.
I wasn’t laughing, however, when I was puking into one of them the other day.
In a state of drunken delirium I had blithely missed my last train home from Tokyo after a frenzied drinking session, and had to stay on my friend’s sofa. His classy new apartment was equipped with a space-age lavatory and, early the next morning, I was kneeling in front of it, miserably spewing up the acidic contents of my guts. I felt bloody awful and deeply regretted the three pints of gin and tonic I had knocked back towards the end of the night.
After some considerable time I finally stopped heaving and I reached blindly for the control panel to flush the toilet. However, as I fumbled feebly with with the buttons, I somehow made the mistake of operating the bidet function instead. As the sudden jet of scalding hot water hit me in the face, startling me and drenching my shirt, I sorely missed the traditional, cold porcelain toilets of home.
I always wondered what would happen in that situation. Thank you for doing the research for me.
these things hit the ceiling on full power, and always hit the right spot if ur sat on it, makes u think somone might be aiming….
I have to say if u’ve run out of toilet paper these are the most useful things u would want after a shit
This happened to me also. I was not drunk but accidentally hit one of the buttons and got blasted on the underside. I jumped up but I did not want water spraying all over my in-laws bathroom so I put my hand over it until I could find the off button.
Three *pints* of gin and tonic? As in drinking G&Ts out of a pint glass?
Man, you are hard core.
Don’t worry, there was lots of ice.
From now on this particular function of the WC should be called wake-your-drunken-friend-that-crashed-at-your-place-function.
I was thinking that you could say to your friend “hey come and look at this! There’s a baby alligator in the toilet!” and when they look inside and say “I can’t see anything” you can press the button and spray them.
Next time I visit Japan (or any country with a high tech toilet) I’m gonna man up and use the bidet.
I was too much of a pussy to use one on my last visit.
It’s the old-skool squatters that I’m afraid of.
Whenever I sit on one of those futuristic toilets, I always imagine that I’m Captain Kirk on the bridge of the Enterprise. After wiping, I sit back down and hit the bidet button to ‘vaporize’ the Kling-ons.
Haha! Yeah, the futuristic toilet is probing Uranus.
So now I know what happens when there isn’t something stopping that stream. I’ve always been quite curious, but certainly wasn’t going to shoot toilet water across my own bathroom. Nor was I willing to try it at a friend’s place without having some major explaining prepared. Thanks for the research and the amusing mental picture!
And great blog! I’m a new reader and intend to stick around for a long time.
Thanks, I suffer for my art! Stay tuned!
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