Electronic forces are conspiring against me this week. My PC stopped working the other day, and chose to beep at me incessantly instead, like R2D2 malevolently taunting me. I suppose it was about time my wretched old computer kicked the bucket- I’ve had it for four years, and it was second hand even then. It looks like the kind of thing you might see a serial killer hunched over in the “Saw” movies- splattered with food, with multi-coloured wires spilling out like a terrorist’s bomb.

This development is irritating, because only last week I bought a new keyboard, after dropping an open can of beer onto the previous one, rendering it sticky and useless. And now the computer itself has gasped its dieing breath. No more internet radio, downloading movies and music, MSM messaging, or Skype. My Gollum-style, shut-in existence has been disrupted. My lifeline to the outside world has gone, forcing me stumbling, blinking, out into the sunlight.

Being utterly computer illiterate, I resolved to fix the problem after a late-night drinking session, by kicking the conked-out contraption around the room.
This didn’t help, so the next morning I called a company to pick it up and fix it. The phone call, in itself, was very complex and gruelling in my broken Japanese.
They told me it was a RAM problem. (Don’t know what that means, but I suspect it has nothing to do with woolly, horned animals.) Apparently the motherboard is mother-fucked, and the best they can do is salvage what they can from my computer’s memory and stick it onto one measly DVD.
There were thousands upon thousands of songs and movies and TV-shows saved in that magic box, along with six years of photographs and writing. Almost all of which is gone for ever. Sob!

Jesus, I hope the PC repairman doesn’t find any sexy pictures. I don’t want to become the next Edison Chen!

Since I’m too broke to buy another computer yet, this means that, for the time being, I’ll be writing this blog on stolen hours at work (My job is rather undemanding, so it shouldn’t be a problem- I’ll just pretend I’m working, by writing stories in Microsoft Word then cutting and pasting them into here when no-one’s looking) or in the local internet cafe. At least Japanese internet cafes are relatively luxurious, with private booths, reclining chairs, and a selection of free drinks.
I’m currently sat in a booth now, surrounded by boxed-in insomniac internet gamers, and drinking some delcious free “Calpis”- a white, yogurt-tasting potion that looks as it sounds, (like cow piss.)

12 Responses to RIP PC

  1. Brian says:

    That sucks. You sure all is lost? My dad once melted his computer and I saved the hard drive using a soldering gun and paper clips. My 5 years of computer science studies in college, and that is my one accomplishment…

  2. roaf says:

    I wouldn’t know where to start. You sound like MacGuyver!

  3. Jeff says:

    Damn dude… What happened to my old computer? Did you torch it?

  4. Jeff says:

    Actually, maybe you can get a used one at Softmap for cheap… It’s in Vivre at the Nishiguchi in Yokohama.

  5. Viet says:

    Beeping? What is the beep pattern like? The link below contains a table of common beep patterns.

    Does the pattern fit anything on that table?

  6. Nick Ramsay says:

    I’m having similar problems. I checked the beep code table, but it doesn’t have the same rendition of beeps that my computer keeps beeping. My computer sounds a bit like this:

  7. roaf says:

    Nick- Looks like you’ve got a bug. An ass-biting bug!

    Thanks for the info, Viet. I checked those codes, but apparently it’s a motherboard problem, so I’ve got to get a new one. Oh well, it was old anyway.

    Yeah, Jeff, the PC is dead. That picture isn’t actually mine though! I’ll go and check out Softmap, then.

  8. Kirbz says:

    Been reading your blog for a while now, and it never ceases to amuse me at some point. Anyway, thought I might say something.

    Motherboards kick the bucket from time to time, but see if you can salvage (aka see if it can work in your new computer) your hard drive. If you can, you won’t lose anything in terms of what you had installed on your computer. Memory (RAM mentioned in your post) and the motherboard can be replaced after dying, but if the hard drive is still good and works in the new computer, you won’t lose anything important!

    Of course, I am always paranoid and backing up stuff either on other harddrives, flashdrives, or (the safest) burning DVDs of data I consider important enough to hoard it forever.

  9. roaf says:

    Thanks, I’ll give it a try!
    Ironically, I bought a 350G external hard drive the day before the PC died, and didn’t have a chance to back my stuff up.

  10. ogami1972 says:

    nonsense- hey brother! send me you address and i’ll ship you a PC! is worth it to live vicariously thru you!
    am waiting….

  11. roaf says:

    Really? That’s very generous!
    Actually, I should be OK soon. I’m just about ready to buy a new one.

  12. uchinanchu says:

    It’s like a work of art now, lol.

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