New Flat in Tokyo

I’ve finally moved to the Big Smoke! I’m now living in the throbbing heart of Tokyo and can stumble through the bustling, neon-lit alleyways of the sprawling metropolis whenever I feel like it. I’ll soon have plenty of amazing new bars and exciting drinking escapades to write about. That is, once I can afford to leave the house (the extortionate rental deposit has left me poverty-stricken).
It shouldn’t be long before I can get some cash together (I might get round to buying a new computer, too, and actually start blogging more often).

Staying in isn’t a problem- the apartment is brand new and very plush. It’s full of electronic gizmos which I can’t figure out how to use. There’s even a video intercom so I can see who’s ringing my doorbell downstairs in the lobby (and ignore them if they’re religious fanatics, cuckolded husbands or TV license fee collectors.) Shortly after my arrival, the gas-man came to connect my gas, and appeared on the intercom monitor in my flat. I had yet to use this contraption, and didn’t know which of the buttons to press (they all had obscure Japanese kanji on them). I selected one at random and, instead of opening the door for the gas-man, an alarm bell went off. I must have pressed an emergency button because, 10 minutes later, a beefy security guard arrived, wearing a helmet and a bullet-proof vest. He began berating the terrified gas-man, who he’d caught fiddling with the gas-meter in front of my flat.

After about an hour of me being reprimanded, having lengthy negotiations with the security company over the phone in mangled Japanese, painstakingly filling out forms in kanji, the disgruntled security guy finally left me in peace.

I’m surprised my flat even has a panic button- it’s not exactly a dangerous neighbourhood. They could have at least made the button red! Now I’m scared to touch anything in case I set off an ejector seat or a hidden trap door. It’s like being in the movie, “Cube.”

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13 Responses to New Flat in Tokyo

  1. CBC says:

    That’s really funny! At least you know that security is only ten minutes away in case of any danger! Any chance of some pics of your new place once you get settled in?

  2. diversion says:

    You give us pictures of toilet cleaners but not pictures of this?
    C’mon man. Photos or whats the point.

  3. Chris says:

    Hahaha!
    I agree with the other commenters. Photos would be nice 🙂

  4. Woeful says:

    That’s great! Keep us posted on your further adventures.

  5. pear says:

    Whatever you do, don’t touch any buttons in the bathroom. You might find the old fella suddenly snipped off by whirring blades or something equally as grotesque.

    PS – I’m half way through your book – a nice read. (My son loves it!)

    PPS – Your book resides in the toilet and gets read during throne time. Hope that doesn’t upset your artistic sensibilities too much.

  6. tornadoes28 says:

    Cuckolded husbands eh! Yes, some pictures please.

  7. roaf says:

    Surprised everyone wants to see pictures of my flat! I’ll get on the case (although uploading pictures in a Japanese internet cafe is complicated).
    It’s not luxurious and spacious by international standards (Japanese apartments are tiny) but it’s a huge step up from my previous place- a tiny little hovel on the first floor of a decrepit wooden building, covered in mould, in the middle of nowhere!

    The security system will be helpful in case I find myself in an “I Am Legend”-style zombie invasion scenario!

    Pear- Glad you’re enjoying the book. Actually someone who review it said it’s ideal for toilet reading material. I’ve found my niche!

  8. billywest says:

    I plan on moving into the heart of the city soon, myself. I like where I am now on the Toyoko line, but I’ll be changing work locations soon, so maybe a little closer in to the Yamanote line. If we end up neighbors, I’ll buy your broke ass a beer.

  9. Simaldeff says:

    Now imagine this: you figure (miraculously) how to get to roaf’s burrow, and you say to your self :Damn, this is roaf’s apart, the guy is like a drunken story divinity … let’s pay him my respects for the nice work.
    So you ring his video-doorbell : “Yeah?! – Dude it’s me ****, let’s grab something to drink, it’s on me. – Sure, wait up!”

    Now what are the odds of being intercepted as an hostile gaijin? Does security got weapons?

    PS : I’d like to see photos of every seller-monk-activist-agent that came and rung your doorbell. Just for fun.

  10. roaf says:

    Oh, I haven’t even seen the security guys except when I called them by mistake!

    Hey, taking photos of people who ring my doorbell isn’t a bad idea! I should get a camera ready!

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