Naked Drunken SMAP Guy Arrested!

April 23, 2009

I couldn’t help but laugh when I heard that skinny pop-star Tsuyoshi Kusanagi, of the aging Boy-Band SMAP, was snatched by the police last night for uncharacteristic lewd, drunken behaviour. Apparently he was found totally wasted in a park near Roppongi’s Tokyo Midtown complex, being noisy, and dancing around naked. It’s funny, because on the countless TV shows he appears in, he never does anything remotely as entertaining as this! He’s always as dull as dishwater.

Come to think of it, when an incredibly camp and effeminate unmarried 35 year old singer of winsome love songs is caught indecently exposing himself in a park at home, it’s automatically assumed to be a flamboyant way of coming out of the closet.
Kusanagi is the Japanese George Michael!
I suspect there was another naked man who escaped detection by being on his knees behind a bush when the police arrived.

Well, at least this means I won’t have to see Tsuyoshi on TV for a while (except for the news). He’s on seemingly every channel, all day, every day, you see, despite having no discernable talent or charisma. In fact, this news story is by far the most entertaining thing he’s ever done!

From the Mainichi Daily News

Drunk Japanese Police

April 17, 2008

“Why don’t the police in Japan do something to stop mischievous booze-hounds like you?” you may ask.
Well, they don’t because they’re shit-faced as well!
According to Japan Today, 26 police officers were busted for drunk driving in 2006 alone, the irresponsible loons.

One such piss-head cop is Yukio Yasuda , a 51 year old sergeant of Shiminoseki, Yamaguchi. Last November, he decided to go on a joyride down the highway after guzzling some shochu. He slammed into the back of another car at a red light, and was given a breathalizer test, which he failed. “I drank four or five glasses of shochu before driving. I’m terribly sorry” Yasuda slurred. He faces punitive measures.

A couple of months ago in Osaka, a mid-ranking police officer called Mitsuyoshi Sumida got sloshed on sake after a night shift, and decided it would be fun to burn around town on his police motorbike in the early afternoon. The horseplay ended when he tumbled off his bike and it smashed into an oncoming car. No-one was hurt, but I don’t think old Mitsuyoshi will be up for promotion anytime soon, the naughty nincompoop.

Meanwhile, another very drunk policeman, in Kyoto, had the genius idea of snapping the windscreen wipers off a car. This Jackass-style tomfoolery cost him a promotion. Way to go, Supercop!

Finally, a 60-year policeman in Okayama prefecture was so wasted that he turned up for work dressed in his pajamas, and scratched his car against a guard rail. This fine, upstanding officer of the law was fired for his shenanigans.
It’s not very reassuring, knowing that the police officers watching over us are sixty year old piss-heads in pajamas.